Melville Terrace, West Park Road , Dundee. DD2 1NT

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The Wailing Wall

They beat their breasts and cried out loud,
As they faced the northern wall,
Where the selectors had placed the team selections
On the notice board was their call.

There were some that swore and some that cried,
And some who stood and muttered
Some were proud, some were coy,
And others merely stuttered.

There were voices raised in anger,
Shrill screams split the air, There were those who didn't say a thing,
Because they really didn't care.

"I wont play with him", one said,
"He's a bloody hopeless skip."
And one who very quietly said,
"It's time I took my trip."

There were many self selections,
There were lots of "bloody hells!"
There weren't very many
who said the Selectors had done well.

The players knew who should be there,
They knew who to pick,
Just ask them when you hear them say,
"That selector is a $$##@!."

Each year the tears get deeper,
As on the floor they fall,
From those who stand in anguish
Before the wailing wall.

 

A SELECTORS PRAYER

Blessed are they who can play sport
Blessed are they who can still be taught
Blessed are they who accept with grace
To play in any selected place.

 

Q: What do you do with someone who can’t draw, can’t roll the jack, can’t set the mat, can’t keep score and won’t listen?
A: Make them skip

 

The 4 ups in Bowls
Skips must be up.
Thirds must measure up.
Seconds must chalk up.
Leads must shut up.

 

Up and down, walking,
Often measuring, sometimes chalking
Shifting mats - keeping score,
Thirty ends, maybe more,
Aching back - tired of limb,
Cheers for others, none for him,
Night draws on, darker, darker,
No one cares for he’s the marker!

 

Four bowlers
Four bowlers were out on the ‘Green’ practising.
As one of them was about to bowl at the 15th end, which was next to a busy road, they saw a funeral precession go by.
Instead of bowling, the bowler removed his cap and placed it on his chest until the funeral had passed.
At this point, the other three said, “You know, that was the most touching thing I’ve ever seen.”
And the bowler answers, “Well, I was married to her for 15 years. It was the least I could do!”

 

"There's nothing wrong with saying hard luck!
Just learn to do it without the snigger."